Well it is 10:30 on a Friday night, and I just got home from our high school choir concert. Normally, this would be the time I would change, clean up, veg out with my wife. BUT, this time is different. This time, I came home after a wonderful concert, knowing I will NEVER have the opportunity to conduct these students again.
After 4 short years, it is amazing how much of an impact students can have in your life. Tonight helped me to realize that. It was emotional. Tonight was tough. There were moments where I felt like a father proud of their child for accomplishing the most amazing of feats. There were also times where I would look right into my the eyes of my students, and simply wonder what else I could have done for them. When the mass choir was singing, I had to fight every ounce not to break down and cry like a little baby. They weren't going to be tears of sadness, or tears of joy...I think they were tears of confusion. Tonight is one of those nights I go home and just sit, with an empty feeling in my gut...not sure what I'm suppose to put there.
Tonight, I came to understand that what I do, and what few people misunderstand, is a true blessing. I GET TO get up every day and work with kids. I GET TO sponsor dances, organize fundraisers, and attend countless student activities. I GET TO grow and learn every day, when others think that I am suppose to be growing and teaching youth. I spent two entire songs tonight at the concert just performing. I was conducting and the choir was singing. After the second song, I came back to reality and quickly remembered there was an audience. It was surreal, and I had never had that experience before. Think about it...I didn't WORRY about the audience. I didn't WORRY about the sound. I connected with my ensemble and the literature and we were doing one of the most natural things known to man...we were making music. We were sharing a story. We were healing somebody. We were lifting somebody's spirit.
Tonight I realized how much some students rely on me. I also realized how much kids AREN'T taught that they are capable, that they are worth something. On many occasions I have had kids tell me that things are going to fall apart next year, and I just remind them that THEY make the choir. Others will say that things will be different next year. Well duh, things are different each year!
Tonight I realized that I can make a difference, and each of my students can as well. Right before concert choir sang, I reminded the of one truth. I simply said, "If we are going to do this, why not be great." It sounds so simple, yet we often times don't think of life that way.
Well, after the night was over, I can safely say that they WERE great. Did we sing our best...I don't know. Did everybody appreciate the music choice...I don't know. What I do know is that when those students were on stage, they were themselves. They were vulnerable and honest. I could SEE the truth of how they felt...I could FEEL it in their performance. Music is an amazing tool and gift that too few people TRULY understand. The OHS Choirs were GREAT tonight because they figured that since they were already there they might as well be. I am SOOO proud of what those kids do that I can't even put it into words. I choke up simply thinking about it. Strike that, I start to weep thinking about how amazing they are. My prayer is that the students of OHS find a love of singing in the art, not in their teacher! My prayer is that I have equipped them to succeed without me. It is okay to hold on to memories, but it is important to keep focus on what is important...We end each of our concerts the same way, by singing "The Lord Bless You." My prayer is that this tradition can continue, so that the identity of OHS Choirs can continue to grow. So to my students, I simply want to say...
"Let music never die in me; forever let my spirit sing! Wherever emptiness is found let there be joy and glorious sound. Let music never die in me; forever let my spirit sing! Let all our voices join as one to praise the giver of the sun! Awake, awake! Let music live!"
I realized during the concert on how much I have learned from you, the seniors, and everyone that is around me. I thought of how things would be next year. At the end of the concert, I would cry when I hugged a senior and then it would stop. But then it would start back up when I went to the next person. I cried because I had grown to loving every person in the choir, and I couldn't get over the fact that they were leaving. I really struggled in singing the Lord Bless You And Keep You. I think it was that I was paying more attention to the words and the people then to the rhythm. I cannot see the Lord Bless You And Keep You leave with you. I will try my best to keep the song. WIthout it, choir would would not be choir.
ReplyDeleteThis man is a great teacher and friend. Those of you that have had the privilege of having him will remember him and your experiences in high school choir for the rest of your lives. No doubt you will tear up many times in the future when reminiscing about your experiences.
ReplyDeleteI dont normally read blogs because they tend to be too long and someone is just rambling on about pointless things. But this is my choir director, and I am a senior. I haven't been here all four years, but I am proud to have been taught by him and I am proud to have sang in the concert. I broke down during out last song, The Awakening, because I just couldn't hold it in any longer. It's like everything hit me at once.
ReplyDeleteTHANK YOU Mr. Helzer, for being a great instructor.
The choir sounded amazing... because of our awesome director. Next year will be a major transition as far a choir goes, but "Everything's gonna work out fine, everything's gonna be all right, it's gonna be okay." With the knowledge that Mr. Helzer has so adequately equipped us with, next year's OHS choir will certainly be all right.
ReplyDeleteMr. Helzer, you are a remarkable man, great Christian brother, and a wonder roll model and influence on your students. We're going to miss you in Ogallala and are blessed to have had you here!
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DeleteMr. Helzer, You are an amazing teacher. I have had you since I started choir in 6th grade and I don't think I could have had a better teacher and role model. you are the best school dad I could possible have.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Mr. Helzer, for being you.