Dad's Journal

A couple days ago, Danielle had the opportunity to go to a concert with a few of her colleagues. One of her colleagues said that I would be writing about this experience that I'm going through. Weight loss, fatherhood, working through childhood, etc. My first response was to laugh, because I am by no means a writer. Nobody wants to know what I think. Nobody wants to know what I'm going through. Who cares what my struggles are? That is for me to figure out.

Then I remembered a file that my sister gave us a few years back. It was a compilation of some journaling that my dad had written through his journey as well. I'm sure when he sat down to write his first entry at the age of 25 (or looking back on his age of 25), he didn't think anybody would value his writings. Man was he anything but wrong. I pulled out the journal today and intend to REALLY read it. To digest it. To contemplate it. To question it. Is this something that Jonathan will be looking back on down the road? No. My goal is to word vomit my thoughts through this blog. Will it be pretty? No. Will it matter to you? Probably not. Will it help me through the process of bettering my life? That is the goal.

Before finishing up, I wanted to include some excerpts from my dad's journal, which I will also do through my personal journaling. Sometimes there will be backstory, sometimes not. This excerpt seemed to be when my dad was at his lowest during his journey of heart problems.

"My world went into a tailspin again. My offered hopes seemed to be like a rug that had been jerked out from underneath my feet. My faith was being tested to the limits at this time. I could not understand why God would allow me to bear such pain. I prayed often for an answer to WHY, but could never get an answer. I pared that Go would take me home with Him. Why? Why? Why would God allow this to keep happening? He said he would never give us more than we can carry, but at this time I found it very difficult to believe that...Then I read Psalm 23 constantly. I realized now the Lord's master plan for me was in the workings. He was completely in control of it, although as humans we still try to control things. How foolish can we be?"

For a reference, here is Psalm 23:

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, 3 he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil,for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me 5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 6 Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.