A LOT happens in 5 months!

So it has been 5 months and 1 day since my last blog post. My last blog post was August 11th, and we started school on August 13th...so you can assume where my time has been going. Anyway, I thought I would take a quick chance to catch everybody up on life. In just 5 months you would be amazed at how much has happened.

We can start with the most significant change....we welcomed our foster daughter into our house in October. This transition was MUCH faster than when John moved in. We had about 4 weeks from meeting K to her moving in permanently. It has been a GREAT experience, and we will have the opportunity to adopt K after April 10th.

On a health note, many of you know I am currently fundraising to help offset the cost of participating in BRAN this summer. I'm sitting at a little under 50% funding, but am patient and thankful for the donations that have come in thus far. When I started school, I was weighing in right around 255 lbs. This was quite devastating. This is about what I weighed when Danielle and I got married...a place I'm not proud to be. Since starting school, I have actually found a WONDERFUL place to stay consistent and find some weight loss. In October, I also started working out at Farrell's Extreme Bodyshaping. Thanks to a colleague at Burke, I decided to sign up and it is fantastic. The program is very supportive, and has a LARGE focus on appropriate nutrition. When I finished my initial 10 week program, I weighed in at 236 lbs. This is a great start to finding a better me. A better father, husband, brother, son, and teacher.

Professionally, things are going GREAT! The choral program is blossoming, and the kids are really buying into my philosophy and my desire on where I want the program to be. The show choir competed in the Peru State Show Choir festival in October and received awards for "Best Show Design" and took 1st Place Overall. It is a great group of kids. The Concert Choir was also invited this year to participate in both the "Nebraska Sings" program and participate in a choral collaborative focused on literature written by Ola Gjeilo. The bonus is that Ola will be AT the concert and working with the kids!

We are now hitting musical season, which is the time of the semester that is REALLY stressful and time consuming. That being said, I have made a commitment to NOT let the musical stress my life out, but let it be an activity I work with that I get to enjoy. It has been nothing but a pleasure so far. We open the show February 26th and the cast and crew of Once On This Island will be FANTASTIC!

Due to the addition of another young one in our family, the stresses of work, and my busy schedule, Danielle decided to resign from her position at Burke. It was a tough choice but we feel God led us to this decision. It is what is best for everybody. Not only will the family get more Danielle time, but it opens up our mornings a little bit...which means I can maintain my commitment to Farrell's and getting healthy.

So what about my health...what are my goals? I still have the goal of riding at BRAN! Since Danielle is able to get the kids ready in the morning, it gives me the opportunity to work out every morning at 5 AM. It makes for some long days when I have rehearsal until 6 PM, but it is so worth it. I will continue Farrell's on a consistent basis, even when the musical is over. I love the program so much I can't see ANY reason to leave it. Since my brother is now engaged (yeah Scott), I have another goal set forth. Scott's wedding is 36 weeks away, and I have 36 lbs to lose to be at 200 lbs. My goal is to be able to celebrate with my brother and family on September 12th being under 200 lbs.

If you have any interest in donating to my GoFundMe account...it is not to late. I would appreciate ANY and ALL help with this endeavor...whether that be financial or prayers. Life is great and I'm excited to see what 2015 has to offer. Thanks a bunch and have a GREAT week!

Cannondale CAAD 10

So it has been 4 days since I made a purchase on the new road bike. Since purchasing the bike, I have been out EVERY day! Saturday I gave it an inaugural spin with a colleague of mine, and we took it out for a little over 22 miles. It was a blast! It felt comfortable, and was so much more efficient than the bike ride.
I was on a riders high, so naturally I wanted to go out on Sunday and hit 25 miles. Unfortunately, mother nature wasn't too keen on that idea. I was so motivated I woke up early to hit the road before church, but after getting in about 5 miles, we started to pick up some rain. Nick was wearing glasses and claims he "couldn't see." So although I only logged 12 miles Sunday, my intentions were there :)
Today I decided I wanted to see what would happen if I pushed myself. I didn't want to ride more than an hour, because my legs and rear were pretty sore from the past 2 days. I couldn't have asked for better weather...or so I thought. For the first half of the ride, I was trucking along and was clocking in at around 18.3 mph. Then I hit the turn around at 7.5 miles. I swear, the wind was NOT there for the first half of the ride. When all was said and done, I finished with an average speed of 15.8 mph. Although it was a bit disappointed to see 18 half of the time, it was definitely a PR for speed.
I'm excited to get out on the roads on a nice calm day and check to see where my endurance is at! We are still working the fundraising project, and are sitting at $800, with a goal of $2000. The project started EXTREMELY strong and now has slowed down. I knew this would happen, but am now brainstorming ideas on how to increase traffic and interest. Please ask me about the journey, training, etc. It helps me stay active and also refine my focus on a healthy future. Thanks a bunch and have a great night!

Guilt

guilt

  [gilt]  Show IPA

noun

1.

the fact or state of having committed an offense, crime, violation,or wrong, especially against moral or penal law; culpability: Headmitted his guilt.

2.

a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime,wrong, etc., whether real or imagined.

3.

conduct involving the commission of such crimes, wrongs, etc.: tolive a life of guilt.

This whole week I have been looking forward to Friday because I was going to be able to go to the bike store to look at bikes. When I would talk about it with Danielle...I felt guilty. 

As most of you know, I'm really focusing on getting into a healthy lifestyle, and one goal to get me there is to train and complete the BRAN. This week I also had the opportunity to go ride with the band director at Burke. After meetings on Wednesday, we left from Burke, found a trail...and went on our way. As we finished up....I shot Danielle a text to let her know we were finishing up, and it was about 5:30. Jonathan had swimming lessons at 6. Again, I felt a sense of guilt because not only did I miss time with my family, I was going to miss going to Jonathan's swimming lessons, and make Danielle do it all on her own. Guilt.

A few weeks ago, I decided to create a fundraiser on GoFundMe to help raise funds to offset the purchase of a road bike, training for BRAN, and cost of BRAN. The fundraiser was also going to provide donations to a mentoring project because I was just reminded lately that my father (and his father) passed away at the age of 44. That age lays heavy on me. But when I made the fundraising public to ask people for financial help, I had a weird knot in my stomach. Guilt.

So tonight, I waited for Danielle to get home from an appointment so I could head off to the Bike Rack here in Omaha. I had been doing A LOT of research on bike options via the internet, and also talking with a friend of mine who lives in Ogallala. Through conversation with Jim and reading articles, I narrowed down the bike options to a few bikes. So today, I went and test rode both of them. I had in the back of my mind that if one felt right, I would buy it...and that didn't sit the best anyway. Long story short...there was a great fit and I pulled the trigger on buying the road bike that I will train with and complete BRAN on. You would think I would feel excitement...which I did. But also...GUILT.

As I drove home, I wasn't sure how to discuss the cost of the bike with Danielle...GUILT. 

But here is the thing. It wasn't frivolous. It wasn't a purchase that wasn't thought about, stressed about, prayed about...it was a purchase that everybody who really knows me is expecting. This purchase wasn't a "I want this cool road bike so I'm going to buy it." This purchase was a "I made a public commitment to better myself and this is a step in the right direction." I shouldn't feel guilty. Was the money there in the fundraising...NO. Will it ever be there...I don't know. What I do need to learn is that a decision to become healthier should never carry a weight of guilt if I'm going to find success. 

What I do know is that one goal of mine through the fundraiser was to learn to lean on God as my sustainer and compass. I feel that if my decisions are made with that focus in mind...I shouldn't CARE what others think about my choice. God has set it on my heart that things need to change. I need to change. My ability to lead a healthy life and be a role model in that area needs to change. Part of that change will come through my passion of biking.

So am I still guilty...NO. Philippians 3:14 says 

"I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

And this needs to be my focus...a goal oriented drive that doesn't get sidetracked by earthly concerns. Now please understand, this doesn't give me free reign to be irresponsible with the gifts HE has given us. I take that responsibility very seriously.

So, off I go to break the new bike in. I'm excited to take it out tomorrow on it's first long ride. I'm excited to set a new PR with distance and speed, and to continually push myself to travel faster, more often, and farther. For those reading...thank you for the support. I truly appreciate it and can't do this without you...especially my wonderful wife. She is supportive to the end and I have been blessed with a Godly partner who wants me to be better! Please check back to here about the other successes, struggles, and milestones I hit through this journey!

Dad's Journal

A couple days ago, Danielle had the opportunity to go to a concert with a few of her colleagues. One of her colleagues said that I would be writing about this experience that I'm going through. Weight loss, fatherhood, working through childhood, etc. My first response was to laugh, because I am by no means a writer. Nobody wants to know what I think. Nobody wants to know what I'm going through. Who cares what my struggles are? That is for me to figure out.

Then I remembered a file that my sister gave us a few years back. It was a compilation of some journaling that my dad had written through his journey as well. I'm sure when he sat down to write his first entry at the age of 25 (or looking back on his age of 25), he didn't think anybody would value his writings. Man was he anything but wrong. I pulled out the journal today and intend to REALLY read it. To digest it. To contemplate it. To question it. Is this something that Jonathan will be looking back on down the road? No. My goal is to word vomit my thoughts through this blog. Will it be pretty? No. Will it matter to you? Probably not. Will it help me through the process of bettering my life? That is the goal.

Before finishing up, I wanted to include some excerpts from my dad's journal, which I will also do through my personal journaling. Sometimes there will be backstory, sometimes not. This excerpt seemed to be when my dad was at his lowest during his journey of heart problems.

"My world went into a tailspin again. My offered hopes seemed to be like a rug that had been jerked out from underneath my feet. My faith was being tested to the limits at this time. I could not understand why God would allow me to bear such pain. I prayed often for an answer to WHY, but could never get an answer. I pared that Go would take me home with Him. Why? Why? Why would God allow this to keep happening? He said he would never give us more than we can carry, but at this time I found it very difficult to believe that...Then I read Psalm 23 constantly. I realized now the Lord's master plan for me was in the workings. He was completely in control of it, although as humans we still try to control things. How foolish can we be?"

For a reference, here is Psalm 23:

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, 3 he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil,for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me 5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 6 Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. 

What Father Means...

April 5th, 2013.

To many people, today is just another day. To some, today is a day to celebrate birthdays. For others it may be a wedding anniversary. For 3 children and one mother....it is a day to look back and remember a great man. A father. A husband. A brother. A Son.

Many people know that I have a horrible memory. I'm not sure if this has been a problem of mine for my entire life...I don't remember. But for as long as I live, I will remember April 5th, 1993. That being said, today I felt selfish, losing track of what is important. I forgot what happened April 5th. I went through my entire day as if it was just another day. I got up, went to school, came up. Danielle and I had the opportunity to go look at houses...and it seemed like another day. Then I received a text from my mom that said

"Thinking of my family a lot today. Want to let you know how much your dad loved you and want you to always remember that."

Tears instantly came. How could I? 20 years ago, a loving mother lost her husband. I thought about what it would be like to lose my wife, and I think tonight was the first time I have had a different perspective on my dad passing away. But then I got to thinking, and I realized that my perspective has changed a lot since 20 years ago, when an event that changed the course of my life happened.

I started 20 years ago like I started today, as if nothing wrong could happen. Went to school and then came home to play with my brother and a friend outside. My dad was home, and I'm sure we talked...but I don't know what about. Damn you memory! All I remember is what happened later. Having to call 911. Having to call my mom at work. For the lack of sharing all of the details...God felt it was time to call my dad home. Maybe it was time for him to be done on earth with the joking, pranking, and loving. Maybe it was time for heaven to have one more comic. I'm not sure why, but it was time. My day started like any other day on April 5, 1993....but ended like no other day.

So how is my perspective different this year? Now that I think about it...maybe it isn't. Maybe it is the same as last year, but I don't remember. But this year I see my father's death differently. I pray more for my mom. The yearning to be a father is gut wrenching. I feel my self crying to God with pleas to give me the opportunity to love on children like my father loved on me.
I reflect back on the fact that less than a year ago we thought that we were going to adopt a beautiful young boy. We knew his name. We held him. We fed him. We lost him. I have a sense of confusion and curiosity on God's plan for that young baby boy, less than a year old, who may NEVER know his father, or may never have somebody to call his father. I pray that he will have a father figure in his life who will love him and protect him. This year, my heart cries out for ALL of the young children who are fatherless, and don't have a loving mother in their lives who will sacrifice everything to make sure they have everything. Danielle and I start foster training on Tuesday, and I am speechless at the fact that there are men out there who have children and can't or don't own up to their responsibility to raise these children in a loving manner, teaching them to be loving and caring individuals who are accepting of people.
 I truly believe I am a patient person...but my patience is running thin in anticipation to be a father. I want to be a father. I want to make a different for children. I want to be able to console a child who is scared. I want to be there to congratulate and hug my daughter when she passes her first test. I want to go to the back yard and throw the ball around with my sons, talking to him about life. I want to teach my son how to treat a lady and I want to date my daughter so she knows what she should expect from a man.
But despite all of my angst and anger, despite my pleading with God to bless Danielle and I with children, I can also praise Him for the blessing of my mother. See, when I think of my dad's death, I usually think of how it hurt me. Of how I miss him. I think of when I would cry myself to sleep night after night...cursing God for taking him away from me. Now...I think of my mom. I don't even know how to start explaining the amount of respect and love I have for her. She has been the ultimate example of me of what it means to love unconditionally, and sacrifice selflessly. I think of the fact that despite how busy I was (as well as my brother and sister), she NEVER missed a concert. She came to my football games, even though she knew I had NO talent...because she was going to support me. She worked tirelessly to provide EVERYTHING for us. What really bothers me is that I didn't thank her for that...I felt entitled. I felt that is what I deserved, because I lost my father. She lost her husband. She lost her companion. She lost her partner in the war of parenting...yet she persevered and loved through it. She is my idol as much as my dad is.
So now what? My prayer is that I don't forget. I pray that I live my life in preparation for the opportunity to one day be called daddy. We don't know God's plan, but He knows our desires. I do remember that when I was a kid and somebody asked me what I want to be, I would simply respond "I want to be a dad." To me, that IS the most important job in the world. I hope that from this day on, my decisions help to grow me as a Christian man who is equipping himself to be a father. I want to be a man who is a role model for my children...starting with my faith. I hope that others can learn from my experiences as well. Most importantly, I hope that remember my dad and what I have learned from him and through the experiences of reflecting on his life will consistently drive my motivation.
For those of you who knew my dad....I encourage you to simply sit back and reflect on what he taught you. For those of you who never had the blessing to meet my dad...I am sorry. He was loving. He was a prankster. Yes, he was a sinner and had his faults. Most importantly, he was a child of God. Knowing this provides me with the greatest hope and peace, because I know that one day I will see my dad in the beauty and perfectness of heaven. That is a day that I am looking forward to!

My dad and I while in Houston, TX (where he had his heart transplant)

(I apologize for the quality...this is a picture of a picture)

Ogallala

Yesterday Danielle as I rolled into Ogallala. We had been planning a trip to Ogallala for a while now, but unfortunate circumstances ensured we came back this weekend. Although we have been back less than 24 hours, it has been an emotional time. We have had the complete and absolute joy to have spent quality time with our food friends the Josjor's. we had the privilege to join hundreds of others in celebration of Emma's life. I had the opportunity to comfort and be there for many of my old students. What I have realized in the past
24 hours is that I miss community. I am excited for all of this to happen in Omaha!

Meeting disappointment head on

As I prepare to go to bed, it hits me that tomorrow will be the first time the students of Ogallala High School will be together since the tragic loss of Emma. Although she graduated two years ago, many students know her through her brother. For those of you who have been involved in the fine arts, you know that there is a strong community feel, and Emma was part of my choral family back in Ogallala. Many members of the choirs sang next to Emma, many shared the stage with her in productions of "Once On This Island" and "Seussical."

Earlier today I had the opportunity to chat with the choir director at Ogallala, and I don't envy him at all. "What do I do? How should I approach the situation" were just a few of the questions he had for me. I don't feel like I had a good answer for him.  The best answer I could come up with is an answer that some educators may not agree with, but I told him "Ask the kids. They will be honest." I think as educators it is important for us to show this vulnerability. To admit that we don't have the answers. To show raw emotion. Regardless of how Mr. Work handles tomorrow...it will be hard!

As I begin my spring break tomorrow, my heart will be heavy thinking about my "family" in Ogallala. My prayer is that God will shower them with understanding and wisdom. Although it is hard to think of, we must celebrate what Emma has taught us....as that is what she would want. Reading about Emma the past few days, a recurring topic comes up...and that is her smile. My prayer is that we can reflect back on Emma with a smile. I also pray for Emma's family as they prepare for her funeral, and continue to reflect on the past few days. I ask that those of you who are of the praying type...join me! Lift up prayers of praise and prayers of understanding. Ultimately, Emma will want us to turn to God and praise him and glorify Him through this experience as well!

Continued Reflections

Not sure how to start this posts...so I'm just going to type. I apologize in advance if it jumps around, but I need to get my thoughts out. 

This morning as I was driving Danielle to Lincoln for a half marathon she was running, I received a facebook message from an Ogallala student who graduated two years ago. Wynston told me that he had lost my phone number, but needed to urgently get a hold of me. I replied back with my number and he called me IMMEDIATELY! The minute he called, I had a knot in my gut, and concern crept in. Long story short, he was calling to let me know that a classmate of his, Emma, was killed in a car wreck late last night. At the time he called me, very few people knew about the accident, but Wynston wanted me to hear it from somebody rather than through facebook. What a great kid to be that thoughtful in such a tough time. After getting off the phone, I told Danielle the news, only to have to send her off to run her "enjoyable" and "warm" 13.1 miles. This gave me plenty of times to reflect back on my time teaching Emma.

I can't even begin to explain Emma. Honestly....all I can see is her GIANT smile. I had Emma in choir for her 10-12 grade years, and she was always bubbly and chipper. During my time at Ogallala, I made it a point to constantly greet the students at the door to my classroom, and they were expected to give me a hi-five, handshake, or hug. There were days that I DIDN'T want to do this, either because the previous class did not go well or I simply didn't feel well. Even on the days I slacked in my greeting, Emma would NOT. She constantly greeted me with a smile, making sure to tell me good morning or good afternoon.

Not only did I have the pleasure of teaching Emma in choir, she was one student who I saw a lot of outside of the classroom. Both in church activities and involvement with our school musicals, I was blessed to be around such a beautiful, warm hearted young lady a lot. Emma was such a pleasure to work with in the musical because we could always count on her to be positive. Even amidst chaos and stress, I could look up from the pit and there Emma would be, simply standing there and smiling. 

When I asked Emma what she planned on doing after high school, I could only hope for one answer...elementary education. God had molded Emma to be a motivator and a person who provides hope to others. Although God called her home before she had the chance to teach children for a career, I truly believe that Emma has taught many already!

That being said, here are some things that I have learned from my time either with Emma or looking back with a full heart on the memories she has left:

1) Don't underestimate the power of one. Emma has the ability to change your attitude by simply walking in the room. It is amazing what a smile can do to a cold heart!

2) If you are a student reading this blog, or anybody who would be considered "young": you have the ability to affect others. Too many times I hear kids say that they are just kids. Even if Emma didn't intend to be a changing factor, the life she lived did and will.

3) This experience has reminded me how much I love my students, and how much I want to see them succeed. Although at times I may be perceived as a grumpy bald man...I want NOTHING MORE than for my students to find success and be safe!

4) I have the best job in the world. How many people can go to their job EVERY DAY to have their bucket filled to the brim. I get to see the future on a daily basis grow. I get to experience youth making mistakes and stupid decisions, only to experience victories and breakthroughs the next day...all while giving them the opportunity to see that in me.

5) Life is about relationships. Period!

6) Don't take people for granted. Let those in your life who you appreciate know it. Write a note, send a text, give a hug. It doesn't have to be big...but it has to be done.

Below is a video from Emma's senior year at Ogallala High School. Although the recording quality is not great, I know it will bring many great memories back for those who were there. This was a special group for myself, and I know that Emma helped to make this group that the best it could be. In memory:

The call...

This morning I received a phone call that I knew was inevitable in my teaching career. Today I was faced with the news of the death of one of my past students. Those who aren't teachers will never fully understand what this feels like. Those who aren't music teachers (possibly having the same student consecutive years) can't comprehend the experience either. Honestly, I don't know what else to say. I've typed the students name numerous times, only to delete it because it stirs up so many emotions! Once I have some time to reflect and compose myself I will share more. Pleas be praying for friends and family!

Singing Youth of Nebraska

So Danielle and I just got home from a short trip back West. Boy was it good to get back and see some friends and old students. Although we only lived in Ogallala for 4 years, we quickly grew to love the town and many of the people there. Leaving Ogallala was not easy, and it was great to go back and see the great friends we have their. Danielle had the opportunity to go run with a friend on Saturday, while I had the privilege of conducting the Singing Youth of Nebraska festival choir in North Platte.

SYN Festival Choir in North Platte; January 26, 2013

Every other year, the Nebraska Choral Directors Association (NCDA) hosts several Singing Youth of Nebraska (SYN) Festival sites around the state. On the opposite years they have a SYN Honor choir in Holdrege. The SYN choirs are for students in grades 7-9. NCDA also hosts Sing Around Nebraska (SAN) in the same manner as SYN, but for 4-6 graders. As many of you know, NCDA has become a very important organization for me, as it has helped me to quickly network with MANY wonderful choral directors in the state. I would go as far to say that getting involved in NCDA has made one of the biggest impacts on my career. I could never thank Phil Hesterman enough for asking me to the the Repertoire and Standards chair for Senior High Choirs, which has opened me up to many opportunities. Last year I had the privilege of conducting a SAN festival choir out west, and then this year the SYN festival choir in North Platte. Having the opportunity to direct at SYN really enlightened me on a few thoughts, which I decided to share below. You may or may not agree with them...but I passionately feel these are true.

1) Music Educators have a dedication to their field and their students that very few people will EVER comprehend. Few professions have individuals involved who give up evenings and weekends for their "clients"...which teachers lovingly refer to as their "kids." Many of us have invested many years in these children, and care for nothing but to see them succeed!

2) Kids CRAVE a place to belong. How awesome is it that 110 middle school kids can come together on a Saturday to make music together. Let me emphasis that again..110 MIDDLE SCHOOL kids. So many adults complain about "kids these days"....and I don't see it. The choir class is an amazing place that helps kids to feel invited, and comfortable with being themselves.

3) Children want to be held responsible. It was so reassuring to see this happen on Saturday. Numerous times we would be singing along, and there would be a mistake happen. Sometimes not a big mistake, but nonetheless...a mistake. I would promptly stop the kids, too which some would roll their eyes or whine because I wouldn't let them "karaoke" on. Then I would simply say..."Will you allow me to be pick?". They would quickly respond back with a yes. I would then explain the problem, and ask them to fix it. After they fixed it, I would then respond as so. "Thank you guys so much for making that mistake go away. The only reason I knew that I could stop you and fix that is because I know you are capable of it. Fixing those mistakes is what takes us from good to great." The look in their eyes, knowing that they could be great, was all I need to keep going.

4) Music connects. What other event or activity can you bring 110 kids together and in 6 hours of rehearsal give a final product. These were kids from different backgrounds. Some are poor. Some have 2 parents. Some aren't sure if they have a place to sleep tonight. And for those 6 hours...they were equal. That is what music does...it takes all of the uncertainty, and if even for just 6 hours...it gives these kids something to invest in and take pride in.

What saddens me the most about having the opportunities to come to these events, is knowing that some students aren't given these opportunities. The opportunity to belong. The opportunity to express. Whether you are a parent, teacher, child, brother, aunt...you can help provide this opportunity for somebody. I encourage you to continue to search for ways to be inclusive...because that is what it is about!

Blog Hiatus

It has been roughly 5 months since I have last blogged. I believe August 20th was the last day that I blogged. That roughly coincides with my first day at Burke...I'm sure there is no connection. In the past semester, there has been a lot going on. I am just going to use this first blog back to do a semester in review, and then HOPEFULLY blog more often. Honestly, the main reason I am back on the ol' blog is because I had the opportunity to see some old students this weekend, and one of them shared with me that I haven't blogged lately, and that I needed to get into a better habit. Thanks a bunch Micah...way to make me feel guilty. I also know that I will probably forget some key "happenings" from the past 5 months, so please forgive me if I don't include an event that you feel is important! Also, the organized part of me feels like this should be written in order of months...so here ya go.

August: August was a BUSY month. I didn't realize that starting a new job would entail so many meetings! I believe we had close to two full weeks of new teacher meetings, and then building specific meetings to follow. Man was I nervous for the first day with kids, but everything went smooth and I survived.

September: I really can't think of anything important that happened in September. I spent September continuing to become comfortable in my new position. At this point in the year, I was concerned with how easy/quick the transition would be for my students at Burke. I'm a very relational type of guy, and teaching kids I didn't have relationships with was hard. My show choir came around real quick as I believe a few team building exercises broke down their walls and opened them up. We also had the opportunity to perform at our Open House, and this helped get the show choir into gear quick.

October: In October I had my first Burke concert. To be completely honest, it went okay. The groups sang decent...not to where I would like for them to be, but that is life. On a positive note, I feel like the transition to how I "do" concerts went well. At Burke, we always seem to share concerts with some group, and on the first concert we had the Orchestra play, as well as some small groups/solos to help with transition. The audience was not huge, but the turn out was good. I had heard horror of mixed choir kids not coming, but only had a few no shows for the concert. This concept was new to me...and I hope that as I continue my time at Burke, this situation will become less frequent.

November: I had my first opportunity to take kids to All-State for choir. This year Burke had 3 students representing Burke. The whole all-state preparation/experience at Burke was interesting for the first time. At Ogallala, we hosted auditions..and I was very comfortable with the whole procedure. I had a fair amount of kids audition when I was at Ogallala, and I always felt like I knew where they were at preparation wise. At Burke, I didn't feel this way. I actually had a few kids not show up for auditions...NOT COOL! One struggle I have had so far with my students is follow through. On numerous accounts, kids have said they were going to do something only to back out and often times not even tell me. As my students in Ogallala know, this is something that I don't tolerate! Along with all-state, we had our auditions for the spring musical, "Thoroughly Modern Millie."

December: This month was BUSY! Our show choir goes out and performs in the public for different "holiday" gatherings. I believe we had 8 extra performances during the 2 weeks before winter break. Although this made for some long days, I loved it. It reminded me of the wonderful Singing Valentines Day trips I had with my Ogallala Students. I am inspired by how much those kids love to perform, and it was so much fun watching them. We had the opportunity to perform in a plethora of venues, ranging from the Joslyn Art Museam to the VFW.

January: It truly feels like January has been going on FOREVER. The FIRST day back from break, we began musical rehearsals. The show choir also performed the first day back, which meant I had the opportunity to be with students from 6:45 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. Honestly, it hasn't felt like it has slowed down much since. We hit musical rehearsals hard, practicing from 3-6 Monday through Friday. On Saturdays I come back to school for 3 hours as the tech crew works on set design. Although it is a lot of time, I LOVE IT! The musical is February 28, March 1, and March 2...and I can't wait for this experience! This Saturday (January 26th) I had the opportunity to direct the Singing Youth of Nebraska Festival Choir in North Platte. This group consisted of 110 kids from 10 different schools in the North Platte area. What a blast! I was hesitant to follow through with the commitment, because for the 3 1/2 days leading up to the event I had NO VOICE! I survived through the day, and the concert was quite enjoyable. My only complaint is that the kids put in so much work, and then there is a 15 minute concert and it is all over. The kids performed well and I made sure to let them know that they were the best behaved festival choir that I have ever directed (and yes I have directed other festival choirs). Then after the concert Danielle and I went back to Ogallala to see some friends and stay the night. We caught up with friends, then went to McDonald's to have dessert with some of our old students. It was great catching up and hearing about all of their successes they have been having!

After writing that all down, I feel like I only talked about work...which feels like that is true. Adjusting to the new job has been an adventure to say the least, but it has been enjoyable. I will add another post reflecting on the first semester as a resident of Omaha...and what has been the biggest surprises and hardest things to deal with. Sorry for the verbal vomit of information, but I feel like I need to just get in the routine of putting my thoughts on page. Hopefully this is not a return blog that also becomes a blog that sits alone for another 5 months! Have a great rest of the weekend and a WONDERFUL week!

First Days of School

Today started another chapter in my life! It was an exciting day...it was a day of many nerves. In my short time of teaching, I have had the opportunity to have 3 "first days" of school, and I can safely say that today was the most anxious day. I have been forced to embrace some very new and wonderful situations. I am teaching in a district of 51,000 students. I teach in a school with 2200 students. The freshmen class that welcomed into the doors at Burke High School has roughly 600 students. Prior to today, I spent TWO weeks in New Teacher meetings, district wide meetings, and building specific meetings. I was introduced to a new assessment approach to education. I was engulfed with new expectations from many different administrative facets. I learned more about standards based grading, trend scoring, and literacy strategy. I am working in a building that has high expectations for their staff and students. Like I said...a bit overwhelming!

Not only am I overwhelmed, but I am so excited. I am thrilled for the many wonderful opportunities that are on the horizons for the Burke choral department and myself. Today I had the opportunity to meet my Freshmen students, the first group that I will have the opportunity to see through their high school career. I have the opportunity to explore many resources that Omaha has to offer. I have met all of the high school directors in the OPS district, and am so excited to foster relationships with them and grow along side them. I'm excited at the numerous opportunities I will have to drink of the knowledge of the many veteran teachers in the metro area.

I struggled with the thought of putting down some goals that I have set for myself and the Burke choral department...so I will wait for another time. I do feel comfortable saying that my hope is that I can continue to foster an appreciation and love of music that Mr. Lempke did before me. My hope is that the students of the Burke choral department leave the classroom with their music cup full....yet yearning for more. I hope to create life long creators and consumers of music.

As always, my blog post is very random and sporadic. To be completely honest, I didn't even THINK about blogging today when I got home. All I could think of was how sore my legs were from standing all day on tile floors and wondering how many days I'll make it before losing my voice. I couldn't help stressing out about the fact that I have no idea what I am doing TOMORROW, when all of the students are at school. I was so exhausted that while I was sitting and working before supper...I fell asleep. After supper and a little working, I decided to go on a walk. And I did what all choral educators do when they walk, I listened to choral music. It was completely rejuvenating and refreshing. I've posted a video of a song that we will be performing for our first concert, and it is a well known song by Morten Lauridsen.  Enjoy and here is to a WONDERFUL school year of teaching wonderful children and making beautiful music!

Peace amongst Angst

It has simply been one of those weeks. It seems like those around us are experiencing uncertainty and strife. This week has definitely not been a walk in the park for Danielle and myself either. It is amazing how the stresses of life quickly compile and then seem to dump on you. Yesterday was one of those days. It was a day where it seemed like God was REALLY testing me. 


It is clear in the bible that our God is a loving God, a God that will never push you past your limits. It is your reaction to these struggles that truly define your trust in God. Your reactions define your faith in God. I want to strive to be a man of God who is steadfast in my walk with Christ, putting full trust in him regardless of what my emotions are. So where do I go to find comfort in Christ? Where do I go to remind myself of his sovereign control over everything? For me, there are two places that bring me back to the amazing truth of God's love and control.


The first is obvious, and should be the first place all should turn to...that is the bible. If we all spent our energy in solving problems in the bible, things would work out to God's intent. For me, the bible provides comfort and perspective. When I feel stressed and that life is not going my way, I simply turn to the book of Job. What a true character Job had...and true faith. God put him through EVERYTHING, yet Job remained faithful to God. I encourage you to turn to the bible for healing, comfort, and guidance.


The second place I turn to is music. It is amazing the emotional & spiritual connection one can have through music. Through consuming music. Through creating music. Martin Luther said that 

“Next to the Word of God, music deserves the highest praise. The gift of language combined with the gift of song was given to man that he should proclaim the Word of God through Music.”

Whether you feel you have a gift or talent in music, I truly believe that music moves all. Now some may still be looking for the music that moves them, and others have found it and have latched on. To me it is choral music. For some reason, I can throw on a piece of music and just have an emotional outpouring, especially when I am having a day where doubt, frustration, or confusion engulf my thoughts. Today would be one of those days! It is the beauty of choral music. It is the text. It is the humanity that is apparent. Choral music reminds me that live is not meant to be lived alone. God put others in our lives to weave into our being. Choral music is the same. Only through the work of the complete ensemble can you find comfort, completion, and a sense of purpose. God put others in your life to help provide that same sense. 

I believe that God has put obstacles in my life to help me realize the blessings I have. I have a beautiful wife that is grounded in a strong faith in Christ! What a blessing!!! My family loves me and would be here for me in a heartbeat. I have been surrounded by family my whole life, and I can't even fathom NOT having a loving family to lean on. God has blessed me with MANY amazing friends. Godly friends who I can trust will lead me in the right direction through biblical advice. Friends who sacrifice for us. Friends who are willing to cry alongside us and for us. God wants me to remember the blessing of PEOPLE! People are what life is about. Relationships are what life is about. Everything else is secondary to this truth. And, sometimes relationships are hard. Sometimes you bless others, and sometimes others bless you. Sometimes you have to put yourself through discomfort to be there for others. My prayer is that we continue to live lives focused on people and God's truth. If you are reading this, then you are one of those people in my life and I thank you. I know that is not personal, and my goal is to have more intention in my relationships, but thank you! 

So I just scrolled up to read my title....and I have it! Through trusting in God and leaning on the people in my life, I can have peace amongst angst!

Nebraska Choral Directors Association

This summer has been...well....busy. As most of you know, Danielle and I finished our last summer of classes at UNL, and will be graduating this August with our Masters Degrees. What I love most about the summer is the opportunities to grow as a professional, and the past few years I have had the pleasure of finishing my 5 weeks of classes and going straight from that to the NCDA summer conference.

As a choral director in Nebraska, I feel it is imperative to be a member and active participant of the NCDA organization and all of the wonderful opportunities they provide. I thought about explaining everything NCDA does, but decided rather to focus on the summer conference that we hold every year on the wonderful Doane campus. I can't even begin to express the impact that the NCDA summer conference has had on my career and personal life. When I began teaching 6 years ago, I was naive. I was not connected with the state of music education and I was riding on the excitement of my high school experiences and college life. I quickly realized, after stepping into my first classroom, that these experiences would not sustain me forever. I survived my first year simply because I was still excited and ready to light the world on fire with music. I was newly married, and the energy from all of these first experiences pushed me on.

Then stress hit. I didn't realize that administrators weren't always going to make decisions for the benefit of your students and your program. I was taken aback when I realized that not all of my students were going to like me, and that in turn created animosity between parents and myself. The time commitments of a K-12 Vocal Music position was starting to wear on me, and it didn't help that I was driving 30 minutes to work everyday(which in retrospect is NOT that big of a deal).

I was looking for something to get me involved, somewhere to network, and an organization that was bursting with energy. I found that in NCDA! The first summer I attended NCDA, I vividly remember that I was scared, and intimidated by all of the "whos whos"of vocal music. I wanted to talk to them, but didn't know how. I would just sit and watch them, jealous of how energetic they were and impressed with how connected they were. Writing the check for my first summer conference was hard, as most teachers understand that money is not exactly flowing into the bank accounts.

But praise God that I did write that check, and will continue to write it! In my short 4-5 years of attending the summer conference, I have grown more than I could have imagined. I have met WONDERFUL colleagues that I know have the privilege of calling my friends. I have been given opportunities...opportunities to serve the organization and it's members.

So why do I share this? I share it because I fear that SOME people are missing this opportunity. Some don't feel that NCDA is for them. Some are afraid to write that check. I know there is a young teacher who is intimidated by the veterans, yet so eagerly wants to learn from them. I share this to encourage. I encourage active members to continue to promote this organization. I encourage new members to take a chance. I encourage you to strive to always make a difference. Jon (Pete) Peterson talked a bit about leaving a legacy at this past conference. I share these thoughts to encourage you to continually work towards YOUR legacy, whatever that may be.

If you have ANY questions about NCDA and involvement, please do not hesitate to contact me. Visit the website. Take the chance to introduce yourself to your NCDA district representative. If you have a question about literature or standards, email an R&S chair for the specific area. NCDA is nothing but an amazing organization that strives to serve the state of Nebraska through the promotion of fine choral arts. Get involved!

Masters Degree

It is official....kind of! Four years ago I decided to begin my Masters Degree in Music Education, and it has been one of the best choices I have made for my career. More on that aspect in a later post...

At the end of the program, each student participates in a Comprehensive Exam. Luckily, I didn't have to take a paper test. Rather, I had the opportunity to do a 90 minute Oral Exam along with a 90 minute score study. I will quickly talk through this process so you all know what kind of a week I had. This past Thursday was the day of my comps...and after completion I felt a tid-bit better!

For comps, you start with a score study. After picking up my score from the secretary, I was escorted to a practice room where I was left with all the allowed resources...a piano and pencil! I spent the next 90 minutes analyzing the score, both the macro-analysis (form) and the micro-analysis (harmonic structures). Along with analysis, I was expected to come up with an idea of what time period this piece was composed. Did I mention that the title AND composer/arranger was not provided. A small portion of my oral comps would also revolve around my "findings" on the score study. I was lucky to have a small direction of study provided for my study, which means my committee provided me with some questions to kind of get the ball rolling on the study. To my surprise, the 90 minutes flew by and before I knew it the next student was knocking at the door to replace me and scoot me on to the oral comps.

So I made the trek down the stairs to room 109, where my committee was waiting for me. Before I go on, I do have to say that the comps weren't near as bad as I thought they would be...I think! Anyway, at the end of week 1 all students taking their comps were provided with "Directions of Study", which are essentially study guides of what we should look over from the past 4,5,6, etc. years we have been in the Masters Program. I spent the past 3 weeks studying, stressing, studying, and stressing over these directions of studies. Luckily I had a couple other colleagues taking the comps, and we spent numerous hours in the library talking over the information.

So...back to the oral comps. The four of us spent the next 90 minutes having "scholarly conversation" over the materials. I'm not going to lie, there were moments in the comps where I flat out had to tell my committee that I didn't know the information. There were other times where I would provide them an unsure answer, only to have silence as a response. THOSE were the moments that made the comps difficult. But overall, the committee did a great job of making me feel at ease and guiding me along the way. After about 80 minutes of comps, it became apparent that they had heard as much as they needed and that we were coming to a conclusion. The next part of the comps was the most nerve-racking. The committee asks you to step out of the room so they can discuss what they feel the next step should be. The options are as follows 1) pass with no need to continue with study, 2) partial pass, but you are required to review some information and come back the following week to finish up, or 3) not pass and have to return the fall to make up any areas that the committee feels you need help in.  Well needless to say, that was the longest wait of the day. After what seemed like an eternity,  the chair of my committee (Dr. Fuelberth) came out, gave me a hug, and congratulated me. Dr. Nierman and Dr. Woody proceeded to congratulate me as well!

THEN I relaxed...for the most part. You see, I was one of 9 students who took their comps this summer, and although I didn't know them all that well...I was nervous for them. I wanted them to succeed. For some reason I hung some of my success on how our group did. So I didn't get to relax completely, because 4 other colleagues still needed to complete their comps. Long story short, everybody who took their comps during the summer of 2012 passed...and I can safely say we were all nervous before hand and relieved afterwards.

As I said in the beginning of this post, deciding to obtain a Masters Degree was one of the best decisions I have made for my career, and I am extremely proud that I finished it. Not saying I had doubts...I'm just proud that I did! I am nervous to see what my life consists of next summer without classes. I already have had thoughts about what my next level of schooling will be...another Masters, a Doctorate, or just classes to stay involved. I would be more than happy to have suggestions or ideas from my most faithful followers :)

Where words fail...

...music speaks - Hans Christian Andersen

It is 11:30 on a Sunday night and I have  spent an hour and a half reading through my Teaching Music Through Performance in Choir book. Yea, sounds dorky. Tomorrow I begin week 2 of my summer classes, and during week 4 I will be taking my comps. Part of my comps include a 90 minute score study, followed by a 90 minute oral exam. To prepare for my score study, I decided to listen through the examples provided in the TMTP books and read descriptions of the music. This forces me to listen and not just hear. It forces me to be a bit more active and less passive.

One goal I have kind of adopted is to perform as many of the songs in this book series as possible. This forces me to stretch and broaden my scope, because often times I will look at a song and it won't be a song that Helzer will do. Having the series as a resource will greatly help me to find a connection to the pieces. Nonetheless, I was listening through and studying, and a special song crossed my playlist. This is a song that I encountered as a singer in my choir at Grand Island Northwest, and again a song I had the pleasure to conduct with my Ogallala Concert Choir. It is simply amazing how much music can move a person. Although this piece is sung in French, it still cuts deep to my heart. There are experiences that will always be tied to this song. It use to be a song that took me back to high school and all of the great memories, and it now takes me back to Ogallala and the wonderful kids I had the pleasure to work with. For those of you who sing, you understand. For those of you who don't, I strongly encourage you to find a choir to sing in. Be it at church, a community choir, or somewhere else. Find an opportunity to make music and create community with a group of like-minded people. That being said, please take a break and enjoy!

Summer Plans

So today Danielle and I had the pleasure to travel 5 hours down interstate 80 to arrive in our new hometown...Omaha! It has been quite the journey leading up to our move, and there are mixed emotions with the new challenges and experiences that are soon to come our way.

So you may all be wondering WHY we are leaving Ogallala so soon. No, it is not because we are anxious to get out of there. It is quite the opposite, as it was very tough to leave today.  The reason we have moved up so quickly is because we are both finishing our Masters degrees this summer, and session starts on Monday, June 4th. We couldn't wait and move until this weekend because I have an NCDA Board Meeting on Saturday in Kearney. So here is what my summer looks like (and for those of you who think teachers get summers off, think again)

6/2/12: NCDA Board Meeting
6/4-7/6: Summer classes at UNL
7/7: NMEA Young Leadership Workshop at Doane College
7/8-7/11: NCDA Summer Conference
8/7-8/9: New Teacher Institute at OPS
8/10 & 8/13: New Teacher Workshops at OPS
8/14-8/17: Teacher Inservice
8/20: Students Begin School

So according to my schedule, I have a 3 1/2 week window of opportunity to enjoy my summer, hopefully be moving into a house, and quickly preparing for a new school year in a new building. Although it seems like my summer is jam packed, I am excited. All I know is that next summer, I am forcing myself to take the summer "off" and relax, spend time with my wife and NOT worry about summer classes!

It's been a great run

As most of you know, Danielle and I will be moving to the Eastern part of the state, as we have both accepted jobs in the Omaha area. Danielle will be teaching 11th & 12th grade English at Gretna High School and I will be teaching vocal music at Omaha Burke. That being said, I thought I would reflect a bit on my time in Ogallala. As a disclaimer, the rest of this post will jump around...so be prepared!

Today I spent my last day as a "staff member" of Ogallala, and turned in my keys and said goodbye. It was bittersweet. Actually, today was really easy. It was yesterday that kind of hit me. My last period of the day yesterday was my concert choir, which generally is the students I have spent the most amount of time with in my 4 year tenure at OPSD. The period was quite hectic, as kids were in and out, making trips to their lockers, the guidance counselor, and other random places to get their check out sheets signed. As "chaos" ensued around me, I just sat back and watched. It was surreal looking at these students and thinking back on the great memories. After the stress of moving and summer school wears off, I will take some time to sit back and reflect even more on my last 4 years of education.

Just off the top of my head, I can say that I have grown immensely as an educator while being here in Ogallala. I have made my share of colossal mistakes and have had many opportunities to experience success. I don't think a lot of people truly understand what it means to teach, how it feels to teach. I am constantly second guessing and looking back on decisions I make. What I have REALLY come to realize in my time in Ogallala is that even though I make a decision for what I feel is the best for the students, not everybody else will agree with that. I am slowly coming to the realization that people are going to be upset with me. People are not always going to like what I am doing or how I handle a situation. Sometimes that is just life. What is important is that I constantly reflect on the outcome and how I handled the situation. I can also say that the past 4 years have helped me to realize how much I truly love working with youth. Their energy and personalities are so contagious and they teach me so much every day.

I also learned that sometimes traditions are good, and sometimes they are not so good. I have begun some "traditions" with the OHS Choir department that I am excited to see continue. I also know that if it doesn't continue, then the director had a good reason to discontinue them. And if his reasoning is not legit...oh well. I say that because I know exactly what it is like to have to make decisions that others may not agree with. One tradition that I started...and ended...was the signing of the wall. One day I just decided it would be cool to let the students sign the wall of my office. Below are some pictures of my wall, and it is amazing how a simple signature and message really brings out each individual personality. These small things are what really make a difference to me! I hope you enjoy reading the messages (if it is big enough) and for those students who read this, thank you for giving a piece of you to me the past 4 years...I truly appreciate it!

OMS Choir Concert

So it is over. Tonight was my last time that I will get to share the stage with the youth of Ogallala. After 4 wonderful years at Ogallala, tonight I conducted the OMS choirs for the last time. To be honest, I'm not sure what I'm going to write. I'm not sure what the purpose of this post is, but I feel that after tonight I owed it to my students to post something.

First off, I need to say that I LOVE working with middle schoolers...most of the time. When one goes through college for education, very little time and effort is spent on middle school education. It is kind of that area that everybody avoids. "Nobody" understands middle school kids. They are unpredictable, stinky, emotionally unstable...They are also forgiving, hard working and loyal.

For the last concert, I didn't expect anything from the middle school classes. Instead, they gave me multiple gifts. To better understand the gifts, I need to explain one of them. The giant ball is called a hoberman sphere, and I use it to teach dynamics. When we use it in class, the kids love it. I always whine that I wanted to buy the big 5 ft ball, but I was too cheap. Well tonight the show choir surprised me with an upgraded, large hoberman sphere (pictured below)

 

The second gift was from one of my 7th grade students. Man does this kid have character. Every day, Timmy comes to my class and tells me that he likes my shirt. It doesn't matter WHAT I'm wearing, it is just his thing. So of course, of anything that Timmy could give me, it would be a shirt. This shirt is serves two purposes, because the students also enjoy the fact that I have no hair. Every day they find some kind of joke that includes baldness. Now some adults would argue that this is disrespectful, but I tell myself that their joking is a sign of approval, a sign of affection. That being said, Timmy used his wit to create the following t-shirt:

The last gift I can't share today, but hope to upload later. After the 8th grade choir was finished tonight, I began to call the rest of the groups up for our mass choir song. As I was talking, I was politely interrupted by some show choir members, who told me they had a gift. I was expecting to receive something like the above items, but this was different. They then proceeded to ask me to go down into the house and take a sit. As I went to take a seat, they all gathered around the piano and assumed a nice posed position. Once I sat, Mrs. Albee began playing and the show choir sang "For Good" from Wicked. I had never taught them this song. I had no idea that this was going to happen. These 28 middle school kids went above and beyond and learned this song to "gift" to me at this concert. They met at 7 in the morning on days we didn't have show choir. At times they would meet at a church, and other times they would meet at school. I felt SO appreciated when they sang this song. I didn't plan on becoming emotional at the concert, but this sign of respect and admiration pushed me over the edge. I really didn't know what kind of a difference I made to these kids, but the looks on their faces, the tears in their eyes said differently.

I could go on forever about how this single act has touched my life in a way I can't explain. It goes to show that it is important to stick it out. That even if you feel like you aren't making a difference, there is somebody who notices. Thank you to my students for showing their love and respect they have for me. Thank you to my MS kids for teaching me that it is okay to be yourself and show that you love music. Thank you to the parents for continually supporting their children and their love for singing. I can't wait to hear about all of the great things that are going to come from these students in the years to come!

Bigger & Better...

Please...don't jump to conclusions until after you read the blog. This week God answered a prayer that many of our close friends and families were praying, and that is that a job would open up for me. On Friday, May 4th I had the opportunity to go to Omaha and interview for a vocal music position at Omaha Burke. Long story short, I received a phone call on Thursday from Human Resources and was asked if I was interested in being a Burke Bulldog. Of course I was overwhelmed with excitement and happily accepted the position.

After my adrenaline decreased, I took some time to email some of my colleagues and let them know of the change. One colleague emailed me back and said congratulations, and that I was off to bigger and better things. That phrase got me thinking..."bigger and better"...

I want to make sure people understand that bigger does NOT equal better! That has NEVER been my mindset. What opportunities I will gain from living in a large city/teaching in a small district will be offset by the things I will lose by NOT living in a small community.  I believe better can be achieved regardless of size. I have seen and experienced greatness in communities of 650 and I have read stories of disappointment from communities of 500,000.

I guess my point is not to get caught up in the size or population of a location. Don't believe that this population has a direct relationship with the success. Measure success in growth! I believe that we all have opportunity to grow. I always tell my students that a stagnant lake will quickly start to smell like "poo" because it is not moving. I also believe strongly that you are either moving forward or backwards, and rarely do we simply maintain and not move. As my wife and I move out to Eastern Nebraska to start the next phase of our life, we will take many great lessons and memories with us that we have received from the wonderful community of Ogallala.